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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Conflicting desires.


My old boss called me to say they are testing for the first wave of a new job. I haven't worked since Reno, (where I worked 3 part time jobs - usually around 12 hours a day) and I am very torn. I've spent everything I made the last time I was working and with the economy the way it is and what with (my) insisting on coming back to Utah, sweet C's income is down by at least a third. We could certainly use the money. Plus, I seem to accomplish more with a schedule that I have to keep to. I really want to go to work.
On the other hand, in Reno we lived in a condo where there is no yard work. It was in unusually good shape so I had little house work to do. Here, I have 1/2 acre of vegetable garden, fruit trees, bushes, flowers, lawn and misc. ground to care for. I moved out in to the yard to work when the weather warmed up and I still haven't finished my inside the house sorting, putting away and renovations. And this is a much bigger house to clean. I really want to stay home and work here.

Sweet C has lost a lot of weight. He has worked really, really hard to do so, getting up very early to exercise and changing his diet completely. He looks younger, and prettier. I really want to lose weight to keep up with him - can't have him looking so good some other woman takes him away from me!
On the other hand, I have changed my diet a lot also, but truly don't want to give up sweets altogether (which he has done). I am always tired and don't want to give up much more sleep to exercise a lot more and I am always hungry. I don't know if he is always hungry but if he is he doesn't complain about it the way I do. I really want to keep eating cookies - they are my comfort food.

I could tell you about some more serious conflicts of interest, but you would just tell me to make up my mind and do what needs to be done. If I could make up my mind to just be good - I would be a much better person all around wouldn't I?

2 comments:

D/E G said...

D,

I love your posts. Just thought you should know. :)

We love you no matter if you crave cookies or not (I do though).

Darren

Yomama said...

Ah, the age-old problems - that mostly don't surface until we age! I too feel divided against myself on some of the same issues: Tim and both need to lose weight, I keep going back to my gymnastics "hobby" (I don't call it a job because I make too little, but when I'm committed my life has to revolve around the few hours I work; I only work a few hours because I really don't want to work, but I want the tiny bit of independence I gain from my own tiny paycheck, plus I like the littel kids (it fills the holes my grandies leave when I'm not with them -which is most of the time). Plus, I want to start doing some things I've hardly taken time to do, like family history, maybe quilting, maybe - other things... But I think I'm scared to jump. So, dear sis, I definitely relate. If you find any magical solutions, be sure to let me know...
Hugs,
KC